“I just wanna get back to the weight I use to be”
How many times have you said that?
I use to be somebody else. I can’t even tell you who she was but I know she didn’t even know!
She was partly made up of who she thought everybody else wanted her to be.
She even thought she was a mistake and unacceptable.
She was trapped in a body of lies, heartache, disappointment and fear.
She was lost.
My reference to her as if I’m not talking about myself is somewhat stomach turning. Every now and then subtle reminders of that lost soul try to creep into in my mind.
I have to make full effort to shut down those thoughts reminding myself I’m not the same girl. I have to remind myself who I am.
A broken image as a child carried into a shatter self esteem as an adult. I carried the pain well. Until I couldn’t carry it any longer. After trying to find my own healing and comfort in whatever seemed to soothe me at the time, I had to come to a point where the weight was too much to bare. (Matthew 11:29) There, is where I found my freedom. What had seemed right, the path I was headed down that gave me quick relief, quick joy, immediate satisfaction, lead me to a slow destruction. (Proverbs 14:12-13) But I couldn’t see it. I could feel it but I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t speak it because I was silenced in my own resentment. I was convinced I was the one that got me there, so I had to be the one to get me out.
The Message (MSG)
28-30“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
You know there are times when all you can say is WOW He kept me!
He paid enough attention to rescue me from my self.
Talk about giving me liberty or giving me death!
Set me free from my prison and I will praise your name Psalm 142:7
A clever read on the grips of cravings: http://myinneractive.com/2010/06/19/2-miles-and-4-milanos/